But where are the men: The absence of a committed black father

When I see a father pushing a baby stroller, particularly an African American man, I smile. This is only after I double take because the sight is gratifying but extremely rare. Growing up in Brooklyn, single parent households were the norm. I was almost resentful that I didn’t fit in with some of my friends who were products of single parent households because my stepfather stepped in a year after the untimely death of my father. However unlike myself, there are still countless amounts of fatherless African Americans who grow up with a void in their hearts as a result of a broken home.

I always wonder where are the men?

The man is there when he first approaches a woman to say hello. The man is there for the first kiss with this woman. The man is definitely there for the intimate times with this woman. But God forbid pregnancy or an STD comes into play the man just totally disappears. Women are left heart broken and abandoned. If you don’t believe me watch one episode of “Maury.” These once intimate couples are now on national television showing the world how much they hate each other; the woman is screaming “he is the father” and the man is screaming, “she is a slut.”

So I ask where are the men?

Where do men go after they abandon the mother of their children? To another woman? Do they start another family and actually have a lasting impact on their lives or do they become a rolling stone like The Temptations once declared. I am currently talking to a guy right now who is the epitome of a great father and no one can tell him different. He stepped up to the plate to take responsibility of his child and to break the cycle of abandonment that is far to common of the fathers in our neighborhood.

There are so many black men out there who grow up without a dad and mothers are left to play the role of both mother and father. I never understood the logic of it being a mother’s responsibility to raise a man; a mother who is a female herself and completely socialized to be a different kind of human being is responsible for teaching a boy how to become a man. The world is holding the woman accountable and the man gets a Get out of raising your child free card. Once again the burdens of the world and our race is left on the black women’s shoulder just for the simple fact that she is strong enough not to break.

Where are the men?

Essentially, whether a woman wants to believe it or not men are relevant in the raring of a child and they need to let them in. Having a companion who is there to support, encourage and listen to you while sharing the responsibilities of maintaining a family is very necessary. Raising a child and having a family without a real man in my life scares the heck out of me. As feminist as I try to be, I still have traditional beliefs of what my future should look like and that includes a nuclear family in a home with the combined incomes of me and my hubby. It’s time for men and father’s particularly to stop making themselves an option and becoming the priority in their children’s lives.